here i am. my home in , my little room. i moved to london during a global pandemic, started and finished my first term at drama school. i'm just doing a dark wash on a sunday, just washing my hair, just reading on the northern line to g.s. i'm just living this little life that is entirely mine. finally, for the first time in my whole life, this life is entirely mine. i dreamed it, made it, created it. i'm living it, decorating it, being kind to myself when i feel displaced. because of course i feel displaced when i have two separate parallel lives that i don't feel i reside in completely yet - my friends haven't even been able to come see the flat, havent been able to take them to muswell hill or crouch end or highgate village to see the christmas lights, or hampstead heath. but all of that's coming.
when i feel displaced in my bed, the refectory, the bar, i remember it's because i kind of am. and nothing feels wrong. nothing, for the first time in over ten years, feels wrong. it feels so, so fucking right.
reading: bunny by mona awad (fuckin bonkers), my brilliant friend - elena ferante, cherry - nico walker.
