practising the art of being alone without being lonely. i was a regularly little artist in my teens, even my early twenties. i was alone but i was with myself all the time. i had time to waste in between my starbucks shifts. i was making up stories in my head, i was writing them down, putting songs into playlists, cutting up magazines, pasting them onto my bedroom walls like the walls of my heart. i was staying up til 3am listening to music, falling down rabbit holes to find out Elvis’ favourite sandwiches and sexual appetites, the nutshell miniature dioramas of unexplained murders. all that alone time is good for the soul when you fill it with yourself and all the things you love to fall into, to dream about, to explore, to listen to over and over. here’s to alone time, spent with yourself 💌
here i am sat on the balcony in our north london flat share, it's nearly nine at night and the sunset is really bright and brilliant and mashmallow fluffy over the tall trees and above the 'jesus is life' church sign that hangs over us. and the air is so balmy, like every paragraph of prose i used to write on my blog and in my journal. it's balmy and warm and the wind doesn't chill. it rustles the leaves and messed up my bleached blond curls. but it doesn't chill.
london town is at 40 degrees right now - a record breaking heatwave. yesterday we spent the day driving in chloe's yellow car with no AC to the shops, so we could walk down air conditioned isles and buy household cleaning products. we ate inside a mcdonalds and then i went to eat mexican food with other friends and then to see a horror film in the AC'd cinema to escape the heat. we've done a lot of balcony bathing, a lot of angling of fans.
and it's tuesday and i have the whole summer ahead of me - no plans, just space and time to do whatever it is i want. and for the first time in my life, the lack of plans, the time time time doesn't terrify me. time to rest before i go back to the place i belong. and i belong here too. and i'm tan and happy. and happy and happy and happy happy. and the world feels like a perfect piece of writing that i wrote as a teenager when i got the vibes just right. it's warm and real and bright. and i never dreamed it would be this solid, this tangible, this fantastical. and i am so grateful. with every beat of my heart i am so grateful.