I'm drunk as I write this but I'm not as fucked up as i could be.

Since the middle of November, more and more has hit me. To steal words, it's like I've been ejected from the passenger seat and straight out the windshield, with with all the glass in my curls to prove it. That's why I've been straightening it. 

I combed it out myself - a couple people helped me get a car and sat with me while I watched the first sunset I'd seen in months and let me commit radio silence, but I combed that glass out myself. I paid to get that glass repaired. All by myself.

I always had faith in things outside of myself - spirituality, coincidence, tarot, spirit, people. But never much in myself. And after the last few months,

that turned on its head. That loss of faith in everything outside of me has shifted and now I only really have ride or die faith in myself.

I'm glad - I'm glad I have a foundation on which to build my new life. But I'm a little bitter too, a little less magic, a little more grit. I wish someone had known me more when I was dreamy and soft and waiting for some eyes and hands and heart to wonder at my resilience to continue on - only beautifully altered.

Now I'm different m. The loss of faith is testing me but I won't let me down this time.

Vienna

one day i'm gonna write about how we found lil frostie because i will never forget it. she's all mine. 

you smell like hard work,

you smell like my dad did when he was getting clean 

you smell like promises wrapped up in a tiny bit of nicotine 

and the best part of it is, your hair smells like flowers

like god still resides there

like all those bad years of bad blood didn't take everything away from you

it smells like you still have the capacity to be in love

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Alone in my dream room

sweet hunnie pie
i folded my body with your body in bed
a mouthful of cheek bones, a kiss on my head
this one's for you as you drift away
goodbye moon face.

Cinnamon Coffee & Maple Glaze

i am full of love this morning. also of dunkin' donuts cinnamon coffee & maple glaze. good things happen over donuts & coffee, good people buy drinks for the next two customers & put their hands over their chest for the minute silence, even though they have reasons not to, over donuts & coffee.

last night i was sitting in a lonely little hotel room in leeds, lookin up in the sky & thinking about the state of the world, feeling heavy & sad. when right outside my window a huge firework display started, directly in front of me, a perfect view of huge, bright colours, blooming across the night sky. it lit up my hotel room & my heart.

& now i feel a little better.

Night drive, desert bloom

 






Wait - M83
Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie