The longest, sweetest April

This has been the longest birthday month I've ever experienced. a few weeks ago I was at the cold spring beach with my best friend and then suddenly I was making coffee and then suddenly I was thinking about August in LDN. And then I was wondering if that was realistic and of course it isn't and of course I can't and then suddenly... yes, it is and yes I can and yes I will. This has been the sweetest month. and i'm capable.

so even when my hands are dry from washing those dishes, my head aches and i'm tired from what feels liked days on my feet, i just look down. there's rose petals in the dishwater and i love that song. i'm working hard, getting stronger... really and truly this time.

and i am so grateful.