Since the middle of November, more and more has hit me. To steal words, it's like I've been ejected from the passenger seat and straight out the windshield, with with all the glass in my curls to prove it. That's why I've been straightening it.
I combed it out myself - a couple people helped me get a car and sat with me while I watched the first sunset I'd seen in months and let me commit radio silence, but I combed that glass out myself. I paid to get that glass repaired. All by myself.
I always had faith in things outside of myself - spirituality, coincidence, tarot, spirit, people. But never much in myself. And after the last few months,
that turned on its head. That loss of faith in everything outside of me has shifted and now I only really have ride or die faith in myself.
I'm glad - I'm glad I have a foundation on which to build my new life. But I'm a little bitter too, a little less magic, a little more grit. I wish someone had known me more when I was dreamy and soft and waiting for some eyes and hands and heart to wonder at my resilience to continue on - only beautifully altered.
Now I'm different m. The loss of faith is testing me but I won't let me down this time.
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