lots of stuff has changed recently. and i've been asking for a change, been waiting for a change, but i was wanting the change on my own terms. and funnily enough, after a good month of extroversion and festivals and partying and drinking, i've found myself hibernating away with this sudden truth inside of me that i've spent my entire life apologising for things that didn't need apologising for and never asking people for apologies when they do things to me that really deserve them. and suddenly i just don't feel the need to apologise, i don't feel the need to diminish myself and it's like it's been waiting somewhere inside of me for somebody to treat me bad enough to realise it. i don't know where i'm going next, i'm giving myself some time to be sad and to enjoy sleeping in for once in my life and while i might consider cutting down drinking soon, i'm also not going to apologise for the ways that i'm dealing, and have always dealt, with that very deserving sadness. so i'm going to waste away for a couple of lazy opulent weeks on fake fur on these rainy summer days and listen to hymns for hymnless girls and learn cherry wine on the guitar and find a way of writing the last two weeks in my journal.
and i'm going to buy two california rolls and eat them by candle light.
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