Saturday, 3 December 2016

Vienna



one day i'm gonna write about how we found lil frostie because i will never forget it. she's all mine. 

you smell like hard work,
you smell like my dad did when he was getting clean 
you smell like promises wrapped up in a tiny bit of nicotine 
and the best part of it is, your hair smells like flowers
like god still resides there
like all those bad years of bad blood didn't take everything away from you
it smells like you still have the capacity to be in love
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Alone in my dream room


sweet hunnie pie
i folded my body with your body in bed
a mouthful of cheek bones, a kiss on my head
this one's for you as you drift away
goodbye moon face.

Friday, 11 November 2016

Cinnamon Coffee & Maple Glaze

i am full of love this morning. also of dunkin' donuts cinnamon coffee & maple glaze. good things happen over donuts & coffee, good people buy drinks for the next two customers & put their hands over their chest for the minute silence, even though they have reasons not to, over donuts & coffee.

last night i was sitting in a lonely little hotel room in leeds, lookin up in the sky & thinking about the state of the world, feeling heavy & sad. when right outside my window a huge firework display started, directly in front of me, a perfect view of huge, bright colours, blooming across the night sky. it lit up my hotel room & my heart.

& now i feel a little better.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Night drive, desert bloom

 






Wait - M83
Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie

Free falling // Milk & Honey









,

Sunday, 10 July 2016

"How a lion becomes a mouse, in that tiny kinda scary house by the woods" 

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Inhale


you know what i've been doing a lot of lately? breathing. how funny is that? just inhaling and exhaling and noticing it, taking a few minutes to be still and silent. something always told me i had to fill it, i wasn't worth the silence. i feel a lot different now.

all those years of dusty summer lazy days and smoking in the daytime and crushing them with the toes of our dirty converse are finished - and in a beautiful way. that hazy late-adolescent light is faded and it's getting brighter and clearer out here. and i took my sweet time to make sure i had somethin sweeter to look back on, of when we were just we and that was enough.  we can keep the beer and expensive celebratory cigarettes and we can even the keep the converse (i bought new ones though), but those lazy days of wasting away are done. now we stand up and pack up and stop watching the pretty looking paths criss-cross in front of us, and we finally pick one.

i'm glad i bought those new converse because i've finally got to start walking my real road.
london, i can't wait to meet you in august.
xo

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Full Moon

  

"I would rather pass my days lying in the middle of dirt roads, staring at the full moon with a bottle of summer red in my palms.
I would rather have kids when it suits me, not when society expects or throws shoulds.
I would rather live in a hammock on a beach for six months, and write like my soul means it.
I would rather be horribly broke at times, than married to a job because a mortgage payment has my ass on a hook.
I would rather own moments, than investments.
I would rather eat alone, than sit with women who bore me at “Wives’ Night.”
I would rather swim naked with bioluminescence, have it fall like fireflies from my hair, my breasts, my back.
I would rather do handstands naked in the moonlight when no one’s watching than pick bridesmaid dresses.
I would rather drink seven year old rum from a sandy bottle, smell of smoke and ash than sit in church.
I would rather learn from life than rack up debt, in a desk.
I would rather drink the ocean, again and again—celebrate being madly alive.
I would rather my love be defined by love itself, and nothing more or less.
I don’t need a ring on my finger to prove that I am in love.
I would rather take the chicken bus, than spend useless money in safe gated communities. Sit beside a goat, listen to raggaeton and eat green mango with sugar in a plastic bag sold from the woman who harasses the bus each time it stops.
I do not need a degree to prove that I am intelligent.
I do not need to own a piece of earth with some wood on top of it—to feel successful. No one truly owns the land, anyway—we just think we do.
My savings account has diddly to do with my richness.
I would rather sprawl my single ass out like a lioness each morning and enjoy each corner of my empty bed.
I will take a job I love and freedom over a pension, any day.
I will not work and work and work to live when my body is old and I am tired.
Stocks are for people who get boners from money.
Not everyone should have kids, and my eggs aren’t expiring.
I will not drink the societal Kool-Aid on a bus, nor will I drink it on a train.
Not on a plane, with a goat, in the rain, in the dark, in a tree, with a fox, in a box!
I will not jump through societies’ hoops and red tape, the treasure hunt in the rat race we chase.
If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened.
Seek, see, love, do."

I Will Never Be A Well-Behaved Woman — Janne Robinson

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Ash

flat #7
I don't want to be the kind of woman that spills wine and ash on the floor. I hugged your mother cause she needed it, cause that bitch's voice was like broken fucking glass. And I put that lipstick on you just so I could kiss it off.

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Pepper

Pepper. August 2009 - June 2016.
Today I lost the most gentle, sweet natured little girl. Pepper has been with me since I was 14. She loved nose rubs & dandelion leaves. She didn't hate much at all.

Friday, 29 April 2016

The longest, sweetest April



This has been the longest birthday month I've ever experienced. a few weeks ago I was at the cold spring beach with my best friend and then suddenly I was making coffee and then suddenly I was thinking about August in LDN. And then I was wondering if that was realistic and of course it isn't and of course I can't and then suddenly... yes, it is and yes I can and yes I will. This has been the sweetest month. and i'm capable.

so even when my hands are dry from washing those dishes, my head aches and i'm tired from what feels liked days on my feet, i just look down. there's rose petals in the dishwater and i love that song. i'm working hard, getting stronger... really and truly this time.

and i am so grateful.

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Confessions of a teenage girl



weird thinking how i could possibly ever know someone as much as i know my girls? know the flick of their eyeliner, the time their ADHD meds wear off, the scar on their forhead? know the sound of tears in their voice or the way if feels to lose an entire life and then salvage the last few years of your own?
- March 2014