here i am sat on the balcony in our north london flat share, it's nearly nine at night and the sunset is really bright and brilliant and mashmallow fluffy over the tall trees and above the 'jesus is life' church sign that hangs over us. and the air is so balmy, like every paragraph of prose i used to write on my blog and in my journal. it's balmy and warm and the wind doesn't chill. it rustles the leaves and messed up my bleached blond curls. but it doesn't chill.
london town is at 40 degrees right now - a record breaking heatwave. yesterday we spent the day driving in chloe's yellow car with no AC to the shops, so we could walk down air conditioned isles and buy household cleaning products. we ate inside a mcdonalds and then i went to eat mexican food with other friends and then to see a horror film in the AC'd cinema to escape the heat. we've done a lot of balcony bathing, a lot of angling of fans.
and it's tuesday and i have the whole summer ahead of me - no plans, just space and time to do whatever it is i want. and for the first time in my life, the lack of plans, the time time time doesn't terrify me. time to rest before i go back to the place i belong. and i belong here too. and i'm tan and happy. and happy and happy and happy happy. and the world feels like a perfect piece of writing that i wrote as a teenager when i got the vibes just right. it's warm and real and bright. and i never dreamed it would be this solid, this tangible, this fantastical. and i am so grateful. with every beat of my heart i am so grateful.
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